Like most of you, I put in hours upon hours of time on online dating apps, as if it was a second job, which to some degree it is. Most recently in the realm of disappointments in dating (98% of online dating is disappointment) I ran into a really charming guy who was well spoken, could hold a conversation, was pretty attractive and was absolutely not real.
I discovered this by picking up a couple red flags that didn’t match up to things he had said the day previous but didn’t say anything. So I googled him, equestrian vet. No match, did a general name search with the area he was listed as residing in, no match for anyone in that area. Then I popped a dollar (and still need to cancel before I get a bill) on some reverse phone number search website and found he has a Neutral Tandem line. There was no name attached, just a text line. Eventually I had him call me and he sounded like a guy from another country with a heavy accent and a speech impediment. I couldn’t understand hardly anything he said, and was pretty much convinced this was a fake guy. Bummer. I also saw the red flags that he said he was on no social media, which usually I do a snapchat check for catfish prior to moving to the phone stage with someone.
Then the following day I saw another attractive guy who was listed as a tax lawyer. This guy texted like an idiot, words incorrect, words missing from phrases, just, not intelligent. And this guy’s a tax lawyer? Okay, I get it, sometimes people just type casually and they come off really dumb, but that was a bummer. Red flag – he was obsessed with getting me to sign up with a particular website for bitcoin return. After some decent conversation and my overlooking his poor text skills he (who was also not on any social media) calls me upon request and has this thick French accent after telling me he was “half Mexican and half American”. Another guy I could barely understand, who, funny enough sounded a lot like the first guy I realized was a fake. He also kept saying things like “I love you” which was really extreme after having talked for 2 days and said how he desperately wanted to see me and look at my body, etc. Not only was I feeling “ULCH” about the whole thing but I was a little creeped out. So that ended as swiftly as the first one.
Then most recently the day after this last guy I was supposed to meet up with someone I met on POF who I was talking to on Snapchat. Red flag #1 he would not send a selfie, though he did send pictures that seemed to match up to at least be the same person. Here was another guy that texted like an idiot, missing words and sending mixed up phrases. He was supposed to meet me at 11am. Well, then he told me he had to see a ‘client’ when 11am rolled around. So I waited, then he said he’d meet me in my area at a forest preserve. 40 minutes later (which is about how far away he apparently lives) he told me he left his dog in the backyard, so he would “be right back”. Followed by me, lonely as all hell at this point after all this nonsense saying I’d find a place in his neighborhood. I started the drive out there, frustrated and 5 hours later than we were supposed to originally meet up, and he barely responded and wasn’t clear if he was coming or not. Then as he said he was going to come I got that inner red flag intuition voice that this probably wasn’t going to be a good idea based off the fact I hadn’t heard his voice yet. Well I had him call me, there was no sound on the other line (he called via Snapchat though I had told him to call my phone) and this happened twice. So I told him I had an hour before I had to do a family dinner. He told me to just go to the dinner and he’d see me the next day, I told him later I’m not interested after he again refused to send a current picture.
My only other lead is a guy I’ve been talking to for a month that lives 4 hours away from me and who originally was going to meet up with me, but then recanted and said that the last time he did something similar (we were going to meet halfway) it was “a nightmare” and I was far away, so he didn’t want to pursue it. But still wants to mess around on Snapchat and talk. My heart is a little rubber band-y about it. I wish there was some way I could convince him just to meet me once, because after all people do make this stuff work. And I’d relocate if it got serious. But here we are.